Life in itself, is so vague. You draw comparisons; “blank canvas”, “aisle in the chair car”, “ferry to the other river bank” and yet you lack conviction. Whatever perception you theorize, we are meaningless ripples of space and time. Even though; one comprehends this notion, one aspires still. The greed never goes away. You might ask, if seeking is futile why do so? I don’t know and I stopped trying; the avalanche of questions never seems to end. I was never a realist, myself and I understand you. I understand that there is something addicting about the romantic side. All you want; is to lie down on the dry grass under the shade of a tree, up a hill on a sunny day, feeling the cold breeze on your face and penning down the details of “the solitary reaper, reaping and singing by herself” far away from you. But sooner or later, you realize world doesn’t work like that and now you write about “the stunted, unlucky heir of twisted bones, reciting a father’s gnarled disease and his lesson from his desk at the back of the dim class”. I can bet if Siddhartha Gautama belonged to our times, his philosophy would be a bit different. Well we realist are always tempted to steal a bit of life, we constantly want to change our religion, we want to be romantics and we know the world would’ve been a better place if there were no realist, left.
The question about the motive of seeking, I guess I see an indefinite answer to that. It’s the journey we enjoy and the fact that with every question unanswered, there’s an answer (some possibility) to wonder upon. Up to this point I couldn’t understand why did I intermingled the fact of one being a realist or romantic with one’s blank notion of life. Well some blank notion of life is in fact the basis of every religion.
I wasn’t ready.
It’s just that I was tempted so steady;
Tempted to steal,
Steal those pages of my future and my past, with a seal.
Lines so big,
As that of a captain’s gig.
Trials of simplification
For those webs of complications.
Meanings were so long
The likes of a pain’s song.
Conclusion was just void,
As though it’s inscribed for a droid.
I wasn’t ready.
It’s just I was tempted so steady;
Tempted to steal,
Steal away from the world with no meal.
-Emanuel Hoque
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